Sunday, October 7, 2007

Village Insane Asylum-Clap On, Clap Off

Maybe I've just noticed recently because the windows have been open all summer long. Maybe this person just moved in. But for the last two months, at least, I have been tormented by an obsessive compulsive clapper. This person claps maybe ten times in quick succession, in sets of five or six, probably every thirty minutes.

Day or night.

It doesn't matter. In fact, they are clapping right now. You might not think clapping is that annoying. But loud, sustained clapping repeated over and over day after day like nails on a chalkboard can inhabit your brain until you are leaning out your window screaming at the clapper to please stop or at least seek treatment (I admit! It was a long day of lying sick in bed listening to clapping).

The sound is so amazing in fact I just looked out my window towards the direction of the clapper and noticed a woman looking up in astonishment, looking for the mystery clapper. I will get to the bottom of this. I will not rest until I have subtly looked at everyone's hands for the sign of a raw and red permanent clapper.


Daniel said...

You're way off base if you're hoping to catch someone red-handed. This nut claps all the time, hundreds of claps per day, right? Your clapper's hands can't possibly still be irritated by clapping. Instead, their hands will be totally calloused over by now.

So how do you identify a calloused hand? Like most situations, ask yourself, WWKMD? [What Would Kevin McCallister Do?] Hang an electric heater on the doorknob so the other side gets red-hot. Any neighbor who tries to open the door then runs away howling in pain is completely innocent and deserves an apology. Your Calloused Clapper, however, will waltz in, right as rain. Then you'll be able to give him or her a well-deserved talking to.

I feel more and more like MacGyver every day!

Daveyboy said...

Oh yes...I can sympathise with you on this. We once had neighbours with a daughter who suffered from Dyspraxia. One of the symptoms of this is a compulsion to clap. Rebecca (the daughter) was 15 and quite a big girl and she had a very loud clap which she inflicted on the neighbours almost non stop! We would be sitting out in the garden on a sunday afternoon and out would come Rebecca.....CLAP, CLAP, CLAP....on and on, louder and louder!! Her parents seemed unable to stop her. Maybe your "phanthom clapper" is also dyspraxic!!

Oh...and yes....her hands were both red and hardened with all the clapping.