Friday, March 29, 2013

Getting So So Close, Part 1

I'll be honest. Yesterday was a tough day.

I'm not even sure why. I guess I'm just uncomfortable and ready to have some control over my body again. Walking is pretty challenging now as is getting up from a sitting or laying position. Braxton Hicks have kicked into overdrive. Baby likes to party until the wee hours of the morning.

Wah wah. Despite having the crazy pain and pukes I've really been spared the usual pregnancy complaints. No leg cramps, no swollen ankles, no heartburn that makes you feel like your having a heart attack, etc. I guess you do get a break somewhere. But I had this niggling little pain in my lower right side for about a month now. I just chalked it up to a lymph node - my MRI did show an enlarged one and that's what it felt like. While I'm dealing day to day with my usual complaints it honestly didn't really register with me.

But JTS really wanted me to tell my doctor about it - so I did - while having a pain attack in his office while feeling nauseated. And he immediately looks concerned and shoots me upstairs to the oncologist office. So now I'm pained, nauseated, and worried. But, after poking and prodding and making me stand up and stick my stomach out (hah!), the oncologist decides it's most likely a hernia. Relief.

At first.

Then it just settles in (again) that there is another thing to add to the list of bodily dysfunctions. Sometimes it seems the doctors are a little too happy to have one more thing to do while I'm "having" my baby, "Well, we will take out that fibroid (good luck champs!) and fix the hernia and have a little look-see at your lymph nodes - and, oh yes, you can have a baby too!"

Insert crying.

I just want to be normal. I just want to have a baby like normal people do. It's uncomfortable and you go about your life, have contractions, go to the hospital, experience some pain, get an epidural, push and have a baby. It seems like for everyone else it's just not that complicated. Except for me, as my oncologist says, "You always keep me on my toes!"

I'm over keeping everyone on their toes. I want to be the health equivalent of living in the mid-west with a mom mullet and a paisley dress with a Peter Pan collar who makes mayonnaise casseroles. You know, how Kate Gosslin looked like before reality t.v. ruined her life. NORMAL! AMERICAN!

So today I've taken to the sofa to watch True Blood, eat chicken nuggets, sniffle and think about my life.

Hang tight. I'll continue this scintillating post tomorrow.

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