Thursday, June 12, 2008

Bikini Wax Revolution! (not to be read by Daisy family)

I would like to propose a revolution!

I don't know about you other girls, but I occasionally, and sometimes frequently, get bikini waxes. Especially in the summer, it oftentimes makes life easy. But sometimes (i.e. now) I get sick of paying money to have someone rip the hair off my nether regions in an embarrassing and painful 10 seconds so that the patriarchy will approve of my vagina's devotion to hair maintenance.

And here's why. I didn't start off a very hairy person, but I swear to god, every time I go, the woman rips hair off in an ever expanding radius from where she started, so that now hair grows where I never had hair to begin with. I find this completely offensive and I give her dirty looks. Isn't the whole point of being waxed to have less hair? It's like going to the dentist and they recommend eating spoonfulls of sugar everyday so that you get more cavities. If I had never started this worthless waxing waste of money I would have a normal amount of hair. Now, thanks to extensive and over eager waxers I must continue to be waxed rather than resemble a wookie.

So we girls must rise up! and fight bikini waxes! Who made us think that landing strips or hairless is cool?

Porn and Cosmo and SATC. That's who. So fight the wax, fight the man. Keep it trim, keep it neat, but keep it natural. We have the vaginas and thus the power! If we resist, boys will still want to be near them, landing strip or not, because, bless their perverse little hearts, at the end of the day, they just want to have sex. It's like Lysistrata for the modern age!

Your pal,

P.S. To all young girls out there who have never gotten a bikini wax...Don't do it! You can never go back and I mean that. Seriously.

P.S.S. There will be more to come about bikini waxing in the feministing series. Stay tuned.


Katie said...

An ex-boyfriend was joking with me about how I should give the Brazilian a whirl, and I explained to him what exactly waxing entails, namely hair being ripped off and then plucked out and bleeding and swollen skin that can't be revealed to the (public) for at least a day or two. If a partner was into it for a sexual reason and not just because he/she thinks that how ladies should look, I'd consider getting waxed. But I'd make them wax themselves first so they know what it's like.

baconfat said...

Isn't it "PPS"?

cynthia grier lotze said...

amen, sister. to waxing i say, "nevernevernever!"

Julia Ralston said...

Ok, so your timing is key. I was thinking about it. I will resist, rebel, and rise up! :-)

Daniel said...

Isn't anyone going to stand up for porn, Cosmo, and SATC?

Fine, I will. There ain't no maintenance like the maintenance bestowed upon you by the ninjas of the netherforest. The difference is palpable (would palatable be taking it too far?) and many a clumsy gentleman will appreciate your attempts at clearing up an occasionally frustrating part of the feminine mystery.

And Daisy, please don't feign surprise at your expanding bikini area - that's what happens when you start waxing at age 7.

Daisy said...

Oh Daniel. Maintenance can be maintained by a simple razor or as an ex-boyfriend used on himself, a beard trimmer. I'm not making a shout-out for 70's porn bush, just a return to more simpler times, like the mid-90's. And you better watch yourself at work, I'll sneak up and wax your arm hair off.

lollipoopmonster said...

getting a brazilian bikini isn't bad at all.. unless you overdo it. But sometimes all we need is a little trimming here and there. not too bare coz you don't want your partner saying you're like a child for not having hairs down there :D