Wednesday, September 24, 2008

Have You Killed Your Hopping Cricket Spider Today?

Because I have killed three.

In New York there were tiny little mice, whom, although they were annoying and sometimes surprising, were very predictable in their nature. You made a loud noise, they run away. You leave some cheese on the counter, they eat it. You leave a mouse trap in your bathroom cabinet, they leave a bloodbath behind.

But o! Dear readers. The gentle little mouse, who I now look back upon fondly and with great admiration, has been replaced by the hopping cricket spider. Otherwise known as a camel cricket.

Look at this thing!


It is the earth embodiment of what Sigorney Weaver fought in all the Alien movies. They eat their own kind, they are blind, and, worst of all, they jump towards attackers instead of away.

They jump out at me when I open my sock drawer, they hide in the recesses of my shower, they live under my bed and in my empty suitcases.

Once I killed one and it lay prone for 30 minutes while I girded my loins to pick up the carcass. When I brushed my foot against it's "dead" body, 30 MINUTES LATER! It hopped away like nothing had attacked it.

Another time I got one on its back and I thought, "Ha ho! No insect every gets back on its feet once it is flipped over! But lo and behold it took one of those ridiculous long legs, stretched it out, and flipped back over ready to jump again.

And boy do they jump! Like 10 feet in the air! Right at you!

So I looked up natural predators of camel crickets- thinking to myself that unless it is a python I will fill my house to the brim with whatever creature naturally will demolish this species. And this is what I get:


Besides Camel Crickets, this bug gives me the willies the most.

As a last resort I looked to my dog for help. Surely, surely! he would eat one, or at least maim it. Those hopes were dashed as I watched one hop merrily away right in front of his face and all he did was cock an eyebrow and yawn.

Now I'm forced to leave magazines everywhere around my cabin. Like Sigorney Weaver or Sarah Palin I've gotta pack heat at all times. I gotta be prepared that its going to descend from any crack, corner, or crevice waiting to attack. At this point I would elect Sarah Palin to shoot them with machine guns from hovering aircraft. I hate them that much.

Poor little mice in New York. I'm sorry I cursed your name.


Ralston said...

Ok, the bug that gives you the willies FREAKED me out last year. They ca live in wet places like, oh, your kitchen DRAIN! (Sorry, for all the caps, but it was that icky.)Imagine coming downstairs, yawning and sleepy-eyed, just trying to make your morning coffee and finding that thing crawling around in the sink. It couldn't get out of the stainless steel walls.
As far as your spider crickets go, both Matt and I refuse to deal with them, even though I tell him it's "man's work." (Yes, I pulled that card.) So our solution: Stun it if possible. Then vacuum it up. It works.

lilQ said...

i have these things in my house they scaer the crap out of me