Saturday, November 8, 2008

Sometimes You Get too Old for Eyeliner

I sometimes write for a music website that is currently showcasing a lot of articles about the Cure, who I love. But the current pictures of the newly rejoined Cure show a bloated Robert Smith, old and haggard, who unfortunately doesn't seem to have gotten the memo- he is still wearing his 80's rocker eyeliner- which of course only just enhances his age and bloat.

We all know the people who can't let it go. Dads who still smoke pot to keep it real. Moms who rock too tight jeans. Aging musicians are especially notorious for public displays of clinging to the coattails of youth. There is the shockingly reunited Def Leppard singing with Taylor Swift as the latest example of guys in their late 40's trying to cram their sagging tummies into leopard print spandex one more time- for the fans, of course.

My own spandex moment came when I was sitting in an airport bar. The waiter was really cute and completely flirting with me. I was psyched! I flirted back and tried to coolly sip my alcoholic beverage when it suddenly hit me. I'm almost 29 years of age. This guy who appeared to be my age was a waiter at an airport bar. An almost 30 airport bar waiter means one thing. He "really" is something else: an actor, poet, bassist, or sculptor. I've dated all four types and paid for all four to live while they pursued their true passion. My true passion apparently was paying for guys to follow theirs.

And right then (with great relief I must say) I was over it. I was over dating not quite successful, 30 something artists. Good bye airport waiters, baristas, line cooks, dishwashers, bartenders, etc. You were great fun back in the day but now dating you is like sad, 80's black eyeliner on my heart (and wallet)- it makes me look as pathetic and desperate as poor Robert Smith.

Being really young and fun is great and I wouldn't have missed it for the world- but I'm kind of excited to learn about something new- like what it's like to date men with jobs! It will probably cost a lot less and there won't be all those mornings where you wake up hungover with your awesome black eyeliner smudged and stained with waiter induced tears.


swandad said...

DOUBLE H... how do you write such a post without at the very least...posting a pic of said Robert Smith!!!????

baconfat said...

fat bobby still knows how to rock it out live, so his eyeliner tendencies are forgiven in my book.

i wanna know more about your dead/phish phase, which is a startling revelation for me (as i went through one myself).