Wednesday, November 13, 2013

Eating Disorder

Way back in the 80's this was what my daily mealtime looked like:

Please note: I fed all the steak to my dog, Sally, until she developed
 kidney failure. Children, do not do this to your beloved pet at home.

I've written a lot about how my health problems led me to rethink my lifelong poor eating habits. Not that I'm 100% better than I used to be but I would definitely say I'm vastly improved. I eat vegetables now. I have an occasional green juice. I know that sugar is the devil and it's in everything.

But because of this new awareness and because I did not grow up eating this way I seriously stress over food. Not in the I need to starve myself way or the bingeing way or even the I eat to make myself not sad way (although sometimes you just need orange mac+cheese straight out of the pot with a coca-cola chaser to make yourself feel better).

Hi my name is Daisy, and I'm a binge healthy eater.

Food has lost its joy to me.

I go vegan/gluten-free/dairy-free/soy-free/pork-free - whatever I feel like for the moment.
And I go hard-core.
Then, finally about 2-3 months later, I crumble.

I eat the cheese (and feel guilty). I eat the proscuitto (and feel guilty). I eat the pizza (and feel guilty).

I feel like cancer or an auto-immune disease is hiding behind the fridge waiting for me to eat the cookies after dinner. (Did I mention I am a hypochondriac?)

Cheryl Tiegs knows healthy food when she sees it!
I long for the ignorance of the fat-free 80's when we all thought that Light N' Lively Yogurt was good for you. Tasteless light yogurt must be good for you right? Snackwell's Devil Food Cookies are healthy too! Campbell's Cream of Broccoli soup counts as a vegetable. Duh! If I didn't spend my childhood with a rabbit like metabolism I'm pretty sure I would have helped usher in the current generation of obese children thru the McDonald's drive-thru.

Anyway. Sigh.

Back to stress. I stress over dairy because I read The China Study. I stress over meat because I can't always afford humane or organic meat and I simply cannot be a vegan (I felt worse and yes, you vegans out there, I was eating enough protein and taking a B vitamin). I stress over sugar because I do like my Coca-Colas.

I stress and stress.

I once read that Americans have such a hard time with food because we don't have an ingrained food culture like France, Italy, Spain, Greece, India, etc. We will eat anything! Fake, real, or multi-cultural. I tend to agree with this assessment. When you grow up thinking a fake dairy, fake sugar yogurt was a health food and then find out that that is not true - your whole world is blown and you have nothing to fall back on.

I want to enjoy my food again. So these days I'm trying out the blog 100 Days of Real Food. Their food goals seem fairly attainable. I still struggle with whether or not to eat dairy (if you like yourself some cheese DON'T read The China Study).

And I'm calling it a day.

At least until the next day I wake up in a panic and throw away all the butter.

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