Thursday, May 30, 2013

Life in the jungle ....


S. Florida
(often times they feel one and the same).

A few words to describe nature here in Miami: Virulent, pernicious, persistent
(oh and sometimes: beautiful)

Step right up folks for the termite circus!
Before baby I easily ignored or dealt with all the natural treasures Miami had to offer. Mosquitos follow you everywhere you go for most of the year. Every spring I fight a full on war with the bizillion flying ants that fly out of my ceiling (truly a horror show). Lizards live permanently in my office scattering little poops around until I find their sad, shriveled corpse between the double glass pains of the hurricane windows. Black worms (that crunch) inch across my floor and ceiling until they too shrivel up and die in a ball (oh and they are poisonous to dogs). Rats constantly take up residence in my attic crawl space and throw jumping rat parties every now and then. It's pretty common to see the termite tents up around the neighborhood ALL THE TIME.
Once I watched a family enjoying a picnic in the park while (I'm not joking) raccoons (in the daylight!) and giant iguanas waited for leftovers.

And none of this takes into account the humidity and heat.

For all of you dealing with hopping cricket spiders, I no longer pity you - because this nature is out to get me and my baby.

To get Lil Drawler out of doors in the sweaty sun, clothing is pretty much not an option. But then you have to worry about sunscreen since only her diapered regions are covered. And don't dare forget the mosquito net over her bassinet because mosquitos here carry the Dengue fever, but then again the mosquito net makes her hotter. But also I don't want to spray her with DEET.  Add in an unexpected rain storm while you drag Issa along, panting and terrified of thunder, while you clutch an umbrella over the baby and you've just about taken the fun out of the situation.

Just stay inside then you might think?


Inside the house I'm fighting a losing battle with tiny little ants that get into everything. I've caught two swimming in her bottle WHILE I WAS FEEDING HER. I wonder how many have gone down the hatch before I notice (then I try to take a deep breath and think of the Namibian baby eating a scorpion. Surely he ate a scorpion!). Then there are the ants I've noticed climbing on her face. While her hands were swaddled. She didn't seem to notice except when I let out a (wee) little scream and swiped it off. Next there was the colony that discovered my sacred bottle of milk of magnesia that (ever since giving birth) I have depended on to live a more regular lifestyle as Jamie Lee Curtis likes to say. (TMI? TOO BAD!)

We've got an exterminator who comes once a month with, as far as I'm concerned, water in a spray can, and I've dropped little ant baits all over the house to no avail. In the words of Jeff Goldblum in Jurassic Park  "Life finds a way."

(Come to think of it, all we are missing here are the dino-sauwrs)

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